I felt so safe on our new street. People would come over and the first thing they would say is "great street!" The house was a short sale mess, but the street--the street had it goin' on. From elderly women taking evening walks, to the super nice neighbors who all came over to offer "If you ever need anything..." I felt safe alright. Too safe. Safe enough to not lock the back door during the day.
I left the house at 9:34 am to make it to the gym before Aurora's 10:50 am appointment at the Cardiologist. The police would later ask me if I saw anyone suspicious outside of the house. Watching me. Waiting for me to leave. "No, I was so focused on getting Aurora into the car, I don't even remember looking at the street" I would answer, a sick feeling settling in.
When I walked up our driveway just 3 hours later, I saw that the side gate had been left open. Weird, I thought, Sky must have left it open after putting the garbage bin out on the street this morning...but why didn't I notice it when I was leaving? Huh, the front screen door is open too. Strange. The key turned too easily in the lock and my eyes immediately went to the TV to check for signs of a break-in. I froze, my brain slowly computing what the hanging, empty wires meant. This is really happening. I'm pretty sure the words "Oh shit" escaped my mouth as I jetted back out the door. My heart was pounding as I dialed 911. I was surprising put together on the phone. I appreciated how serious the woman was, and that she acted like it was a big deal. I was subconsciously expecting to be blown off. I'm not sure where my intensely negative view of the police system came from, but I'm very glad its not true.
Then the doubt came. Did you even get a good look at it? Your mind is playing tricks on you. It's all in your head. The cops are going to show up and everything is going to be just how you left it. Your going to look like an idiot. As soon as Sky answered his phone the tears came, hard, and I was shocked and relieved when he said he was coming right home. Later he would ask me incredulously "What did you expect me to do??" I don't know. I had no expectations for being robbed. I had felt safe.
Zac and Frank came in their police cars and my tears intensified as they wielded their guns to enter my home. They weren't checking to see if it was safe. It wouldn't be that again for a long, long time. They were just seeing if the *&^%*@^&'s had left. Our real-life heroes were compassionate and meticulous, and it was the first time I cam remember that I was really grateful for the police. They were here to protect me and to catch the bad guys, not to bust me for speeding. I honestly couldn't be more appreciative for them and their humorous, genuine support.
It was hard when they left a couple hours later. Their presence seemed to balance out the overwhelming feelings of violation and fear. Now it was just Sky, me and Aurora, left to pick up the stolen pieces. Sky and I handle things differently. Opposite extremes, you might say. He took on a glazed expression, sat on the floor underneath the bar and proclaimed "I would like to zone out." I started putting light fixtures back on the wall that had been sitting undone for weeks and suggesting we go get security cameras at Costco and put them up that night. Well, last night if I could really get what I wanted. Alas, post break-in would have to do.
Aubrey came over and made us dinner and entertained Aurora, who was still laughing and playing as usual. She listened as we talked too much about the burglary and sparked much needed conversation about anything but. She helped clean up the powder they used to collect fingerprints and tidied up the robber's mess. She made it easier on us. Thanks Aubs.
Now what? Probably some terrifying nightmares. I get those sometimes, and this seems like a shoe-in trigger. Should we get a dog? An ADT system? Will security cameras actually deter them, or just maybe catch them? Its not about the stuff. Its the sense of safety that was so valuable that they took. How paranoid must I be to actually be safe? For strangers not to watch my family while we are playing in the front yard and leaving for work? Is it even possible?
A neighbor came by afterwards and said she saw a white man, in a white volkswagon take a picture of our house a little while ago. He looked really suspicious and so she wrote down the license plate. Please God, say its only a robbery. I beg you that the picture marked the place of a TV and a computer, not of a beautiful, vulnerable little girl.
Aurora is now sleeping in a pack n' play at the foot of our bed. I'm not sure when I'll feel okay letting her sleep alone in her own room again. Not soon, I think, but I'm still too close to it all to think very clearly. These walls don't seem like they protect us anymore. Trust and security are gone. What that looks like in the long run for our family, I'm not sure, but for now it means that my baby stays in sight at all times, sleeping in our house or otherwise.
Please pray that our family is no longer a target, and that we can secure our home without loosing ourselves to fear and paranoia. Especially pray for Skyler, who might just come home to Fort Knox soon and potentially get killed trying to get back in.
Thank you for hearing my story.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Unsettled
We did it. We bought a blue house with white trim on a tree-lined street in sunny San Diego. Our family and friends all rallied around us as we packed up our belongings and transferred them into this new exciting place that we would call home. We have poured ourselves into fixing up the place--patching holes in walls, working on the plumbing, cleaning the floors, spackling and painting. But no matter what I do I can't shake this feeling, this undercurrent of being unsettled.
Luckily our new house is pretty close to our old apartment, because I still take our old exit off the freeway, even though I shouldn't. It feels comforting doing something familiar. That is at the core of this unsettled state I am in--familiarity. Nothing feels quite the same. Even my relationships. They all seem just a little tweaked since we've moved. Not in a bad way. Just in a different way. In many ways they are better than they were. But still, they feel new, along with everything else.
"Familiar" is solid and comforting, and without it I am stumbling around trying to catch my balance. Balance. That can be quite elusive, can't it? At least it is for me right now, and I'm willing to bet I can get an "Amen!" from all the mother's out there. As a stay-at-home Mama by day and graduate student by night, I was already pushing my luck with not becoming overwhelmed. Then I bought a house, and WHOOSH! there went any sense I had of having it together.
A month into this journey, I have learned two things...
There was a day last week that Aurora decided that she wanted to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for most crying in 24 hours, one that fell into the category of "Skyler got the better end of the deal." Since we've had our little angel I have had so many days where we are blissfully playing together and I think "I am so lucky to be here with you--I can't believe that I get to stay home like this." Everything has its opposite. Anyhoo, this was a particularly difficult day, and I kept thinking to myself "This should not be this hard! Aaaaaargh!!!!" Whether it was brushing our teeth or going to the grocery store, I was pretty sure that God himself did not intend for it to be so @*%$(#*%ing hard to do it. Then hits the redeeming and day-saving thought--I can do hard things. It's okay if its this hard, because gosh darnit, I can do hard things. It sounds a little silly, because it seems so simple and obvious, but on that day (and if I'm honest, a lot in the past year), I've been pretty scared that I won't be up to the task. And at those times, it is quite profound. Life changing even.
Since Aurora was born I have spent day and night (sometimes all night) trying to be a good mother, keenly aware that it is my job to take care of her. Others will help, but she is my responsibility and I want to do my absolute best. I found out that there was a gym with childcare, but I felt really guilty about spending the money each month on membership...we could be saving up for college or spending it on something much more important! Then hits another life-changing thought--I have to take care of me too. Others will help, but I am my responsibility, and taking care of me is just as important as taking care of everything else. It doesn't need to take a backseat to the house, and my kids, and my marriage. That doesn't mean its in the driver's seat either--the passenger seat is a great place for my health and well-being. Self-care isn't selfish, its responsible. Now would some one please get those voices inside my head to SHUT UP that keep telling me that it is too selfish?!?! I don't believe them. I don't. And you shouldn't either.
There is a huge gap for me between inspirational moments and truly believing something different about myself and the world. As things settle down over the next several months, I hope that these concepts sink into the foundation of my new normal.
Time for bed in my new room. Sweet dreams all.
Love,
Bri
Luckily our new house is pretty close to our old apartment, because I still take our old exit off the freeway, even though I shouldn't. It feels comforting doing something familiar. That is at the core of this unsettled state I am in--familiarity. Nothing feels quite the same. Even my relationships. They all seem just a little tweaked since we've moved. Not in a bad way. Just in a different way. In many ways they are better than they were. But still, they feel new, along with everything else.
"Familiar" is solid and comforting, and without it I am stumbling around trying to catch my balance. Balance. That can be quite elusive, can't it? At least it is for me right now, and I'm willing to bet I can get an "Amen!" from all the mother's out there. As a stay-at-home Mama by day and graduate student by night, I was already pushing my luck with not becoming overwhelmed. Then I bought a house, and WHOOSH! there went any sense I had of having it together.
A month into this journey, I have learned two things...
There was a day last week that Aurora decided that she wanted to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for most crying in 24 hours, one that fell into the category of "Skyler got the better end of the deal." Since we've had our little angel I have had so many days where we are blissfully playing together and I think "I am so lucky to be here with you--I can't believe that I get to stay home like this." Everything has its opposite. Anyhoo, this was a particularly difficult day, and I kept thinking to myself "This should not be this hard! Aaaaaargh!!!!" Whether it was brushing our teeth or going to the grocery store, I was pretty sure that God himself did not intend for it to be so @*%$(#*%ing hard to do it. Then hits the redeeming and day-saving thought--I can do hard things. It's okay if its this hard, because gosh darnit, I can do hard things. It sounds a little silly, because it seems so simple and obvious, but on that day (and if I'm honest, a lot in the past year), I've been pretty scared that I won't be up to the task. And at those times, it is quite profound. Life changing even.
Since Aurora was born I have spent day and night (sometimes all night) trying to be a good mother, keenly aware that it is my job to take care of her. Others will help, but she is my responsibility and I want to do my absolute best. I found out that there was a gym with childcare, but I felt really guilty about spending the money each month on membership...we could be saving up for college or spending it on something much more important! Then hits another life-changing thought--I have to take care of me too. Others will help, but I am my responsibility, and taking care of me is just as important as taking care of everything else. It doesn't need to take a backseat to the house, and my kids, and my marriage. That doesn't mean its in the driver's seat either--the passenger seat is a great place for my health and well-being. Self-care isn't selfish, its responsible. Now would some one please get those voices inside my head to SHUT UP that keep telling me that it is too selfish?!?! I don't believe them. I don't. And you shouldn't either.
There is a huge gap for me between inspirational moments and truly believing something different about myself and the world. As things settle down over the next several months, I hope that these concepts sink into the foundation of my new normal.
Time for bed in my new room. Sweet dreams all.
Love,
Bri
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Transitioning
Sometimes my life can feel a bit like catching a plane--hurry up and wait. Busy busy busy, bored. And I can get so caught up in this process that I forget that I am in fact, at the end of the hurrying up and waiting, going to be somewhere else. But the thing with planes is that you typically get back on another plane and head back home. Life transitions are a one-way ticket to something new, and often you don't get to pick where you are headed, life just kinda takes you there. There is always choice involved, which mostly (for me, at least) looks like the "you get to choose how you handle it" kind...not nearly as fun as the "pick whatever you want" kind. I am currently waiting on a few things in life, such as the end of graduate school so I can begin my career and watching my little girl become a toddler, soon a lady. Yesterday I became keenly aware of being hurried in a direction that I don't particularly like, aka that I am dreading with all of who I am. Mawi is leaving.
She will too-soon be driving all the way out to North Carolina, her home for the next two years. Bright side: She's staying in the country. Down side: ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY. Ugh. She was kind enough to laugh with me yesterday when I confessed that I secretly wished it would all fall through for her so I can selfishly have her here with me. Luckily, its not about what I want. She is going to go off and learn how to be an amazing social worker and I need to figure out how to handle it well. It's a funny thing when you care about some one a whole whole bunch--even when you are trying your darndest to support them, they are still supporting you right back. I've been trying not to melt into a fit of tears every time I see her, or to say stupid things like "I think I am going to join several different groups once your gone so I don't loose myself completely" but you know, you can't win them all, and sometimes I slip. Like a blog post. Ooops.
Some transitions we don't even notice. Birthdays come and go and people ask "do you feel any different?" Of course I don't, its just the day after yesterday and the one before tomorrow. Same same. But all of a sudden you look up and you are somewhere different. I wasn't expecting it to smack me upside the head in such a manner, this transition out of young adulthood, but it certainly has quite the kick to it. Lots more gains and losses than I expected. My life is not by any means complete now, but its not an unwritten story either--I have several chapters that I can go back and read. Looking at my relationships with my family, who all live far away, I recognize that our relationships are growing and wonderful despite the distance. I love them more than anything, and missing them hasn't killed me, its truly made me appreciate them more (I'm sure not being in high school has something to do with it too, but we'll sidebar that for now ;). So as my dear friend Mawi, who is like family to me, embarks on this new adventure, I know that we will grow even closer as she becomes more of who she was created to be...even though that takes her far away. And I am rest assured that we are good enough friends that she won't be freaked out when I stalk her on facebook and insist on awkward skype dates with her new friends so that I feel included.
Mawi, I'm going to miss you, and I am so excited to see where this plane will take you. Please read this on the days that I don't call, because I hate the phone, and know that I love you and am thinking of you... maybe even stalking you at that exact moment.
She will too-soon be driving all the way out to North Carolina, her home for the next two years. Bright side: She's staying in the country. Down side: ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY. Ugh. She was kind enough to laugh with me yesterday when I confessed that I secretly wished it would all fall through for her so I can selfishly have her here with me. Luckily, its not about what I want. She is going to go off and learn how to be an amazing social worker and I need to figure out how to handle it well. It's a funny thing when you care about some one a whole whole bunch--even when you are trying your darndest to support them, they are still supporting you right back. I've been trying not to melt into a fit of tears every time I see her, or to say stupid things like "I think I am going to join several different groups once your gone so I don't loose myself completely" but you know, you can't win them all, and sometimes I slip. Like a blog post. Ooops.
Some transitions we don't even notice. Birthdays come and go and people ask "do you feel any different?" Of course I don't, its just the day after yesterday and the one before tomorrow. Same same. But all of a sudden you look up and you are somewhere different. I wasn't expecting it to smack me upside the head in such a manner, this transition out of young adulthood, but it certainly has quite the kick to it. Lots more gains and losses than I expected. My life is not by any means complete now, but its not an unwritten story either--I have several chapters that I can go back and read. Looking at my relationships with my family, who all live far away, I recognize that our relationships are growing and wonderful despite the distance. I love them more than anything, and missing them hasn't killed me, its truly made me appreciate them more (I'm sure not being in high school has something to do with it too, but we'll sidebar that for now ;). So as my dear friend Mawi, who is like family to me, embarks on this new adventure, I know that we will grow even closer as she becomes more of who she was created to be...even though that takes her far away. And I am rest assured that we are good enough friends that she won't be freaked out when I stalk her on facebook and insist on awkward skype dates with her new friends so that I feel included.
Mawi, I'm going to miss you, and I am so excited to see where this plane will take you. Please read this on the days that I don't call, because I hate the phone, and know that I love you and am thinking of you... maybe even stalking you at that exact moment.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Limitations, Part 1.5
As a follow up to my last post, I thought it would be good to highlight the downside of over-committing, or in other words to simply tell you a little bit about myself lately.
I can always tell when I am in over my head when it becomes harder to fall asleep, because my mind is piecing together all of the things that I didn't have time to put together during the day. I become very impatient, even more so than I usually am. Impatient with Skyler, with other drivers, with that darn clock on my wall that won't tick faster. The small things seem HUGE, i.e. the difference of fifteen minutes makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Everything is planned back-to-back and on top of each other, and there is no room for life to happen. The worst side effect is how mean I get. For a lot of you I know your thinking "What? Bri mean? No way!" but that is because I save you from my meanness. There are a few unfortunate souls who can attest to my coldness and biting comments when I am stretched too thin.
I would like to take a second to note how nice it is of me that I save most of you from myself--a glimpse of humanity amidst my hulk-like state. Maybe I'll find out how my story ends when I see the Avengers this week (Of course I shouldn't have said yes to this, when I am throwing a bridal shower this weekend and have a huge paper due next Monday, but I did). To clarify, I don't actually ruin cities or people's lives or anything--I just run around at the end of my severed rope, ready to glare and complain about anyone who gets in the way of my desperate need to get things done, because I have way too much to do. On second thought, maybe I will cause significant damage to my relationships if I keep this up. Scary. It's feels like a sickness, and I really am working to discover the cure--I'm just having to fight myself along the way, which creates significant setbacks.
How did I find time to write this post, you might ask? Because the final symptom is that I fluctuate between a wild sprint and complete avoidance. It's similar to maxing out your car--despite your best efforts to floor it you have hit the limit--shut down.
Alright Skyler, I'm ready for the oh-so-sucky process of cutting things out... and it doesn't seem quite as painful as it usually does. Which means...progress. Just a little bit, but I'll take it. I have a feeling this cure will be a long, small-steps-to-transformation kind of pill.
I can always tell when I am in over my head when it becomes harder to fall asleep, because my mind is piecing together all of the things that I didn't have time to put together during the day. I become very impatient, even more so than I usually am. Impatient with Skyler, with other drivers, with that darn clock on my wall that won't tick faster. The small things seem HUGE, i.e. the difference of fifteen minutes makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Everything is planned back-to-back and on top of each other, and there is no room for life to happen. The worst side effect is how mean I get. For a lot of you I know your thinking "What? Bri mean? No way!" but that is because I save you from my meanness. There are a few unfortunate souls who can attest to my coldness and biting comments when I am stretched too thin.
I would like to take a second to note how nice it is of me that I save most of you from myself--a glimpse of humanity amidst my hulk-like state. Maybe I'll find out how my story ends when I see the Avengers this week (Of course I shouldn't have said yes to this, when I am throwing a bridal shower this weekend and have a huge paper due next Monday, but I did). To clarify, I don't actually ruin cities or people's lives or anything--I just run around at the end of my severed rope, ready to glare and complain about anyone who gets in the way of my desperate need to get things done, because I have way too much to do. On second thought, maybe I will cause significant damage to my relationships if I keep this up. Scary. It's feels like a sickness, and I really am working to discover the cure--I'm just having to fight myself along the way, which creates significant setbacks.
How did I find time to write this post, you might ask? Because the final symptom is that I fluctuate between a wild sprint and complete avoidance. It's similar to maxing out your car--despite your best efforts to floor it you have hit the limit--shut down.
Alright Skyler, I'm ready for the oh-so-sucky process of cutting things out... and it doesn't seem quite as painful as it usually does. Which means...progress. Just a little bit, but I'll take it. I have a feeling this cure will be a long, small-steps-to-transformation kind of pill.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Limitations, Part I
Limitations are a tough thing for me to accept. The childhood motto "I can do and be anything I put my mind to" stuck with me. I really like it. Now that I'm an adult, I can see how cartoon it sounds to say "I have absolutely no limitations." So silly. Of course I do. If it was some one else saying it I would think they sounded pompous and arrogant... but since its that voice in my head telling me how I ought to be, it sounds just right. Skyler (in many ways my opposite) embraces his limits, in a super healthy and mind-boggling kind of way. Our conversations typically go something like this:
Bri (close to tears and/or hyperventilating): "Can you come home early from work? I'm really behind and I don't think I'll finish in time."
Sky (calm, cool, collected...very comforting to stressed-out Bri): "I'll come home as soon as I can. After you finish I think we should sit down and look at what we need to cut out."
Bri (now panicked): "What we need to cut out? Why?" *Aside: When I don't like what I've just heard, I repeat it. It's almost like if I say it again, maybe it will come out differently, in a way more to my liking. This hasn't worked yet, but I will let you know when it tips in my favor.
Sky (still calm, cool, collected): "Because we have too much on our plate if you don't have time to finish things. I don't want you feeling this way, and when we get this busy I don't get to see you. I hate that."
Bri (on the inside screaming 'Nooooooooooooooo I have to do it all! It's all UBBER important and people might think I don't care about them, or I might miss out on something that will make life really great if I don't do it all...No Sky. No!'): "I guess your right."
And then we proceed to painstakingly decide what we aren't going to cram into our schedule. What projects will go undone, or people unseen, or goals unaccomplished. And at first I feel sad and empty, and a little/lot shameful, depending on what it was that we cancelled. But later, as I am soaking up time with Aurora and Skyler while we spend a beautiful day at the beach, I think that there might be something to this limitation thing. That every time I say "yes" to something I am saying "no" to something else... and when I think I am saying "yes" to everything, I'm actually saying "no" to peaceful days and a non-stressed version of myself. One that has time for spontaneous trips to the beach on a gorgeous day. And to be honest I can't even think of a specific example right now of something that we have cut out to gain that freedom. Huh.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I'm no writer
This whole blog thing is pretty intimidating because so many fabulous writers have blogs. They are like those students who mess up the curve for everyone. Yes, of course I love reading their blogs... they are entertaining and vulnerable and witty and all around fabulous, just like I'm sure they are in person. But it makes it so hard for me, who is just a thinker, not a writer, to throw my hat in the ring--the bar has been raised too high. I wish there were leagues in blog-dom, where I could submit mine to the amateurs and not feel like I'm competing with the big dogs. And yes, your right, its not a competition. And as a simple thinker and communicator, not a writer, I will continue to post some thoughts and ideas for some people, some time, to read. But I will also feel a little small when all the blogs I read are getting book deals, and even though I would never, ever want to write a book (because I'm not a writer, and don't enjoy it) I will feel a little jealous and a little small some times. I know its childish, but that's one of the reasons we are called "children of God," yes? Because our perspectives get skewed and we want silly things, and as a result we entertain really immature emotions that God has to help us work through. I sincerely hope they continue writing their blogs, and their books, because I love to read them. They truly bring something bright and beautiful to this world. I guess I just hope that everyone else continues with their blogs too--because they are just as important, and worthy, and wonderful. Your thoughts count, even if your not the best writer in the world. And I'll read your blog too, some time.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Not "But", but "And"
The word "but" can be deceiving in many ways. When used, it means that what is about to be said next is going to negate what was just said. The dictionary explains that it is: "used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned." To me it doesn't feel like its a simple contrast--it feels like the next part of the sentence overtakes the first part. Example #1: "I really like you but I'm just not in a place to date right now." Relationship over. Example #2: "I really appreciate that you've been so clean lately, but it would be nice if you could (really, plug anything in here.)" Definitely not feeling appreciated.
I would like to suggest the increased use of the word "and." I think it is more fitting for many of the situations that we bring "but" into. They are synonyms, making them pretty easily interchangable. "And" is meant to "connect two parts that are to be taken jointly." I think this touches on a deep sense of humanity, that things are not actually on either side of a coin, but joined together to make a complete picture--a whole, real person. I try really hard to be clean, and can be messy. I am a loving and caring Mom, and sometimes I do things that are in my best interest instead of Aurora's.... such as when I selfishly stop to get Pete's coffee before we get on the plane as opposed to getting lunch for her. In my defense, I thought we had more time before we needed to board... and Pete's coffee is so good. The best, in my opinion. Back to the topic: I really hope that when Aurora grows up she doesn't think to herself (or say to her counselor): "Ya my Mom cared about me, but she prioritized coffee." I don't even hope she says "My Mom really cared about me. Period." I hope she sees and accepts all of my strengths and weaknesses, my successes and failures, the whole complex picture of how I love her imperfectly, and knows more about the world and herself because of it. In the case of example #1, it would look like them saying "You're a great person, and I don't think we are a good fit." Because let's be honest--if you found some one you really like, you want to date. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
My point is that I feel that we can often undermine ourselves and others with the word "But," because it changes focus as opposed to broadening our perspective. "And" is a powerful way to see things three-dimensionally. I, and the world, are both good and bad, both broken and creations of God... for better and for worse.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Explosive Weekend
Sounds fun, yes? No no no. It was explosive in all the wrong ways. Try to imagine how Aurora could be fully clothed--diaper, long-sleeve onesie, and pants, and she could have a poop-xplosion all over the kitchen floor, her, me, and the changing table. Today it managed to get all over the living room as well. Truly impressive. And then throw in Sky and I experiencing all of the weight and glory of a 12-hour, knock-you-out flu. Poor Aurora didn't know quite what to do when Mama was throwing up. She just had a look on her face of "that's not right!!" and I couldn't agree more. It is the definition of "backwards" when the food is on its way out the way it came in. Not right indeed.
I was proud of the fact that in the midst of it all, I could still count my blessings.
1) Aurora was the least effected of all of us--she managed to laugh her way through much of the experience. Couldn't ask for anything more in such circumstances.
2) Sky and I caught it about half a day apart, and so I was just well enough to care for the baby by the time he turned pale and needed to lie down.
3) We will always have the memory of Sky asking me, while I was at my very worst, with his charming smile and playful gleam in his eye: "I know you said you don't want to talk right now, but how about I make you flashcards so you can communicate...things like 'water' and 'food'?" GET. OUT.
4) It is pretty sweet to have such great relationships between the three of us that the only thing we really wanted was each other when we felt every kind of awful. (To be honest Aurora did favor me a bit, which I properly soaked up because some day soon she will be all about Daddy, I just know it.)
Sky is currently napping with the little one, and I am grateful for how quickly this illness-bomb came and went. I even had the wherewithal to clean up the house last night before heading to bed... so now I have a few quiet moments to myself, with no poop or shrapnel in sight. Aaaaaaah. The victory of surviving is sweet, even if we came out on the bottom of a lot of nasty.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Adventure of Aurora and the Toilet Paper Roll
#3: Mama can you BELIEVE this guy? Look at him all pretty and raveled... I think he's MOCKING how unraveled you are today!
#6: Mama you don't want me doing this? But it was all for you...
#7: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, of course I'm not gonna do it again!
#8: I'm here because this lever asked me to come in and pull him a hundred times.
Disclaimer: Formatting this mini-story was near impossible, so please have grace with its absurd structure.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
To Begin
I have been debating whether to start a blog or not, and as you can see, I've decided to go for it. There were a few things holding me back:
1. My terrible follow through with things like this
2. Lack of desire to be on the computer more than I already am for school work
3. Not enjoying writing all that much
But, my "go get um" list won out:
1. I have lots of thoughts running through my head each day that would be fun to get out into the world (maybe it will help me to not talk Skyler to death when he finally gets home from work each day)
2. It will give me a better distraction on the computer than facebook when I am on it supposedly doing schoolwork
3. Lots of the people I love are far away, and I'm terrible on the phone--there is a good chance this will help us connect and little better
There you have it... and here is my first entry into this quazi journal online. (sidenote: when I buy things off the internet, I say "I got it offline"...which I didn't know made no sense until Sky pointed it out a little while ago. I think it really depends on the way you think of it though. You decide for yourself... and DON'T all side with him, your MY friends and family!)
I'm going to try really hard on this blog to not insert disclaimers everywhere, and just trust that you get my jokes and don't secretly think bad things about me. We will have to see how that works out, since I haven't been able to do that with my spoken conversations yet...but I think its a goal worth striving for.
So now a thought of importance. I went to a seminar for school held by Rick Hohn, an inspiring man who has overcome incredible obstacles in his life, including cerebral palsy. His ability to triumph and overcome were astounding, and he truly lit up the room when he would laugh and joke during his presentation. (For more information on Rick: http://www.voiceforliving.com/authors/rick-hohn/). During Q & A I asked him what the best thing his parents did to support him through his rough childhood. His answer was not what I expected--"When they read the bible every morning." The implications of that hit me hard--it wasn't any action that they did for their son, but the character that they developed through seeking God that he was grateful for. It was what helped them be good parents to a son that they couldn't understand. Reading from this book of love made their child feel ultimately loved. Not a cool toy, or kraft mac n' cheese (as their commercial campaign would have you believe), or even story time every night... although I'm sure he enjoyed all of those things too. It was something bigger, WAY bigger than those things. And yet so accessible at the same time.
I regret to say that since hearing that I have not read my bible every morning in order to be the best mommy I can to my precious little Aurora. There are so many reasons why: I think it will be boring, or repetitive, or feel like a chore. I tell myself I don't have the time, or I don't know where to start, or I just simply would rather turn on the television and zone out in my few minutes alone before she wakes up too-soon from her nap. But ultimately, those are lame reasons to not be the best mama I can be. And truly, I should tell those voices to shut up and sit down for a good read that will nurture my soul and evoke some important thoughts. Transformative thoughts. One's that my soul will appreciate and my whole family will benefit from. Yes, there are so many reasons why I should pick up that book each day, and hopefully I can remember them in the coming weeks so I don't get detoured by the fear of heavy-lifting. I'm sure you'll be able to tell based on the ideas that come pouring out of me onto these pages... or that don't. I told you at the beginning that I'm not very good at following through with these sort of things.
Goodnight,
Bri
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