Not "But", but "And"

The word "but" can be deceiving in many ways. When used, it means that what is about to be said next is going to negate what was just said. The dictionary explains that it is: "used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned." To me it doesn't feel like its a simple contrast--it feels like the next part of the sentence overtakes the first part. Example #1: "I really like you but I'm just not in a place to date right now." Relationship over. Example #2: "I really appreciate that you've been so clean lately, but it would be nice if you could (really, plug anything in here.)" Definitely not feeling appreciated.

I would like to suggest the increased use of the word "and." I think it is more fitting for many of the situations that we bring "but" into. They are synonyms, making them pretty easily interchangable. "And" is meant to "connect two parts that are to be taken jointly." I think this touches on a deep sense of humanity, that things are not actually on either side of a coin, but joined together to make a complete picture--a whole, real person. I try really hard to be clean, and can be messy. I am a loving and caring Mom, and sometimes I do things that are in my best interest instead of Aurora's.... such as when I selfishly stop to get Pete's coffee before we get on the plane as opposed to getting lunch for her. In my defense, I thought we had more time before we needed to board... and Pete's coffee is so good. The best, in my opinion. Back to the topic: I really hope that when Aurora grows up she doesn't think to herself (or say to her counselor): "Ya my Mom cared about me, but she prioritized coffee." I don't even hope she says "My Mom really cared about me. Period." I hope she sees and accepts all of my strengths and weaknesses, my successes and failures, the whole complex picture of how I love her imperfectly, and knows more about the world and herself because of it. In the case of example #1, it would look like them saying "You're a great person, and I don't think we are a good fit." Because let's be honest--if you found some one you really like, you want to date. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

My point is that I feel that we can often undermine ourselves and others with the word "But," because it changes focus as opposed to broadening our perspective. "And" is a powerful way to see things three-dimensionally. I, and the world, are both good and bad, both broken and creations of God... for better and for worse.