Limitations, Part I

Limitations are a tough thing for me to accept.  The childhood motto "I can do and be anything I put my mind to" stuck with me. I really like it.  Now that I'm an adult, I can see how cartoon it sounds to say "I have absolutely no limitations."  So silly.  Of course I do.  If it was some one else saying it I would think they sounded pompous and arrogant... but since its that voice in my head telling me how I ought to be, it sounds just right.  Skyler (in many ways my opposite) embraces his limits, in a super healthy and mind-boggling kind of way. Our conversations typically go something like this:

Bri (close to tears and/or hyperventilating): "Can you come home early from work?  I'm really behind and I don't think I'll finish in time."

Sky (calm, cool, collected...very comforting to stressed-out Bri): "I'll come home as soon as I can.  After you finish I think we should sit down and look at what we need to cut out."

Bri (now panicked): "What we need to cut out? Why?" *Aside: When I don't like what I've just heard, I repeat it.  It's almost like if I say it again, maybe it will come out differently, in a way more to my liking.  This hasn't worked yet, but I will let you know when it tips in my favor.

Sky (still calm, cool, collected): "Because we have too much on our plate if you don't have time to finish things. I don't want you feeling this way, and when we get this busy I don't get to see you. I hate that."

Bri (on the inside screaming 'Nooooooooooooooo I have to do it all! It's all UBBER important and people might think I don't care about them, or I might miss out on something that will make life really great if I don't do it all...No Sky. No!'): "I guess your right."

And then we proceed to painstakingly decide what we aren't going to cram into our schedule.  What projects will go undone, or people unseen, or goals unaccomplished.  And at first I feel sad and empty, and a little/lot shameful, depending on what it was that we cancelled.  But later, as I am soaking up time with Aurora and Skyler while we spend a beautiful day at the beach, I think that there might be something to this limitation thing.  That every time I say "yes" to something I am saying "no" to something else... and when I think I am saying "yes" to everything, I'm actually saying "no" to peaceful days and a non-stressed version of myself.  One that has time for spontaneous trips to the beach on a gorgeous day.  And to be honest I can't even think of a specific example right now of something that we have cut out to gain that freedom.  Huh.

I'm no writer

This whole blog thing is pretty intimidating because so many fabulous writers have blogs. They are like those students who mess up the curve for everyone. Yes, of course I love reading their blogs... they are entertaining and vulnerable and witty and all around fabulous, just like I'm sure they are in person. But it makes it so hard for me, who is just a thinker, not a writer, to throw my hat in the ring--the bar has been raised too high. I wish there were leagues in blog-dom, where I could submit mine to the amateurs and not feel like I'm competing with the big dogs. And yes, your right, its not a competition. And as a simple thinker and communicator, not a writer, I will continue to post some thoughts and ideas for some people, some time, to read. But I will also feel a little small when all the blogs I read are getting book deals, and even though I would never, ever want to write a book (because I'm not a writer, and don't enjoy it) I will feel a little jealous and a little small some times. I know its childish, but that's one of the reasons we are called "children of God," yes? Because our perspectives get skewed and we want silly things, and as a result we entertain really immature emotions that God has to help us work through. I sincerely hope they continue writing their blogs, and their books, because I love to read them. They truly bring something bright and beautiful to this world. I guess I just hope that everyone else continues with their blogs too--because they are just as important, and worthy, and wonderful. Your thoughts count, even if your not the best writer in the world. And I'll read your blog too, some time.

Not "But", but "And"

The word "but" can be deceiving in many ways. When used, it means that what is about to be said next is going to negate what was just said. The dictionary explains that it is: "used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned." To me it doesn't feel like its a simple contrast--it feels like the next part of the sentence overtakes the first part. Example #1: "I really like you but I'm just not in a place to date right now." Relationship over. Example #2: "I really appreciate that you've been so clean lately, but it would be nice if you could (really, plug anything in here.)" Definitely not feeling appreciated.

I would like to suggest the increased use of the word "and." I think it is more fitting for many of the situations that we bring "but" into. They are synonyms, making them pretty easily interchangable. "And" is meant to "connect two parts that are to be taken jointly." I think this touches on a deep sense of humanity, that things are not actually on either side of a coin, but joined together to make a complete picture--a whole, real person. I try really hard to be clean, and can be messy. I am a loving and caring Mom, and sometimes I do things that are in my best interest instead of Aurora's.... such as when I selfishly stop to get Pete's coffee before we get on the plane as opposed to getting lunch for her. In my defense, I thought we had more time before we needed to board... and Pete's coffee is so good. The best, in my opinion. Back to the topic: I really hope that when Aurora grows up she doesn't think to herself (or say to her counselor): "Ya my Mom cared about me, but she prioritized coffee." I don't even hope she says "My Mom really cared about me. Period." I hope she sees and accepts all of my strengths and weaknesses, my successes and failures, the whole complex picture of how I love her imperfectly, and knows more about the world and herself because of it. In the case of example #1, it would look like them saying "You're a great person, and I don't think we are a good fit." Because let's be honest--if you found some one you really like, you want to date. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

My point is that I feel that we can often undermine ourselves and others with the word "But," because it changes focus as opposed to broadening our perspective. "And" is a powerful way to see things three-dimensionally. I, and the world, are both good and bad, both broken and creations of God... for better and for worse.