I felt so safe on our new street. People would come over and the first thing they would say is "great street!" The house was a short sale mess, but the street--the street had it goin' on. From elderly women taking evening walks, to the super nice neighbors who all came over to offer "If you ever need anything..." I felt safe alright. Too safe. Safe enough to not lock the back door during the day.
I left the house at 9:34 am to make it to the gym before Aurora's 10:50 am appointment at the Cardiologist. The police would later ask me if I saw anyone suspicious outside of the house. Watching me. Waiting for me to leave. "No, I was so focused on getting Aurora into the car, I don't even remember looking at the street" I would answer, a sick feeling settling in.
When I walked up our driveway just 3 hours later, I saw that the side gate had been left open. Weird, I thought, Sky must have left it open after putting the garbage bin out on the street this morning...but why didn't I notice it when I was leaving? Huh, the front screen door is open too. Strange. The key turned too easily in the lock and my eyes immediately went to the TV to check for signs of a break-in. I froze, my brain slowly computing what the hanging, empty wires meant. This is really happening. I'm pretty sure the words "Oh shit" escaped my mouth as I jetted back out the door. My heart was pounding as I dialed 911. I was surprising put together on the phone. I appreciated how serious the woman was, and that she acted like it was a big deal. I was subconsciously expecting to be blown off. I'm not sure where my intensely negative view of the police system came from, but I'm very glad its not true.
Then the doubt came. Did you even get a good look at it? Your mind is playing tricks on you. It's all in your head. The cops are going to show up and everything is going to be just how you left it. Your going to look like an idiot. As soon as Sky answered his phone the tears came, hard, and I was shocked and relieved when he said he was coming right home. Later he would ask me incredulously "What did you expect me to do??" I don't know. I had no expectations for being robbed. I had felt safe.
Zac and Frank came in their police cars and my tears intensified as they wielded their guns to enter my home. They weren't checking to see if it was safe. It wouldn't be that again for a long, long time. They were just seeing if the *&^%*@^&'s had left. Our real-life heroes were compassionate and meticulous, and it was the first time I cam remember that I was really grateful for the police. They were here to protect me and to catch the bad guys, not to bust me for speeding. I honestly couldn't be more appreciative for them and their humorous, genuine support.
It was hard when they left a couple hours later. Their presence seemed to balance out the overwhelming feelings of violation and fear. Now it was just Sky, me and Aurora, left to pick up the stolen pieces. Sky and I handle things differently. Opposite extremes, you might say. He took on a glazed expression, sat on the floor underneath the bar and proclaimed "I would like to zone out." I started putting light fixtures back on the wall that had been sitting undone for weeks and suggesting we go get security cameras at Costco and put them up that night. Well, last night if I could really get what I wanted. Alas, post break-in would have to do.
Aubrey came over and made us dinner and entertained Aurora, who was still laughing and playing as usual. She listened as we talked too much about the burglary and sparked much needed conversation about anything but. She helped clean up the powder they used to collect fingerprints and tidied up the robber's mess. She made it easier on us. Thanks Aubs.
Now what? Probably some terrifying nightmares. I get those sometimes, and this seems like a shoe-in trigger. Should we get a dog? An ADT system? Will security cameras actually deter them, or just maybe catch them? Its not about the stuff. Its the sense of safety that was so valuable that they took. How paranoid must I be to actually be safe? For strangers not to watch my family while we are playing in the front yard and leaving for work? Is it even possible?
A neighbor came by afterwards and said she saw a white man, in a white volkswagon take a picture of our house a little while ago. He looked really suspicious and so she wrote down the license plate. Please God, say its only a robbery. I beg you that the picture marked the place of a TV and a computer, not of a beautiful, vulnerable little girl.
Aurora is now sleeping in a pack n' play at the foot of our bed. I'm not sure when I'll feel okay letting her sleep alone in her own room again. Not soon, I think, but I'm still too close to it all to think very clearly. These walls don't seem like they protect us anymore. Trust and security are gone. What that looks like in the long run for our family, I'm not sure, but for now it means that my baby stays in sight at all times, sleeping in our house or otherwise.
Please pray that our family is no longer a target, and that we can secure our home without loosing ourselves to fear and paranoia. Especially pray for Skyler, who might just come home to Fort Knox soon and potentially get killed trying to get back in.
Thank you for hearing my story.
